My struggles with perfection run deep. I was the girl with good grades, involved in a million extracurricular activities and was always nice. I felt I needed to be perfect, not because someone told me I needed to be, but because I didn’t want to let anyone down. I worked hard. I never had a bad day.
The problem was, as much as I worked toward perfection, I never thought I was perfect.
The holidays, much like life, are meant to be enjoyed. The quickest way to diminish your joy is to strive for everything to be perfect.
At 16, I got my first stomach ulcer. My doctor said it was stress-related. He told me I needed to relax, calm down and not worry so much. I laughed (internally), but smiled and told him I would try. Didn’t he know I was working toward my goals of a Commonwealth Diploma (given for taking advanced placement classes)? Didn’t he know I had plans to win state in speech and debate that year? Didn’t he know I was class president and had to plan prom? All while maintaining my good grades and being the nice girl.
I spent most of my high school with stomach pain, bleeding ulcers and silent stress. I never told anyone I was stressed. It wasn’t until college that the bubble burst. During a chemistry class that no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t understand the material. I got a D on my first test. It was both the most terrifying and liberating moment for me.
I realized that I wasn’t perfect. I realized that sometimes you can try really hard and still not be as successful as you want. More importantly, I learned that the world keeps moving. (Plus, I learned that, though I’d always liked science, it wasn’t for me!)
I still struggle with ideas of perfectionism in my everyday life, in my business and in my relationships. With the use of social media, it makes perfection seem even more attainable, yet the standard is even higher. Pinterest makes me feel like I’ve never made anything nice in my entire life. Instagram makes me feel like I’m missing out on traveling 200 days out of the year while wearing the perfect outfits. I struggle with who I am, and who I want to be, but I recognize that who I want to be is not perfect.
Why am I telling you this now? It is the holiday season: the time of year when perfection addicts come out in full force. The holidays, much like life, are meant to be enjoyed. The quickest way to diminish your joy is to strive for everything to be perfect. I’ve seen people ruin an entire holiday for everyone around them because over perfection – or lack thereof. Heck, I’ve seen people ruin their entire lives because they have strived for perfection.
Don’t be that person.
You may burn the pie, the turkey may not be as juicy as you want and your mashed potatoes may be dry. It’s all OK. In the grand scheme of life, this is something small. When I look back at all of the holidays spent with family, one of my favorites was when my mom burned the rolls. I don’t mean a little burned, I mean, hard as rocks, smoke billowing out the oven, burnt-black rolls. It was one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen. My brother and I still joke about it. Something that wasn’t perfect made for a great memory.
So this season, try for great. Try for good. Try for OK. Save yourself the stress and don’t strive for perfection. No one really cares if everything is perfect. If you’re so stressed that you can’t enjoy your family, what is it worth?
I hope you have a great holiday season. Wishing you much gratitude, love and happiness.
Colene Elridge is a trainer and success coach who offers an interactive approach to learning and development. She works with individuals and organizations that aspire to “Be More.” Colene is also a human resources professional and certified mediator. She has a bachelor’s degree from Transylvania University and a master’s from Sullivan University. More details on Coach Colene are available at CoachColene.com.