SmartHealthToday Team
Now that Valentine’s Day is behind us, it doesn’t mean we still don’t have to work on our relationships.
So, after the flowers and candy and the nice dinner out — What really makes a happy marriage?
While there is no universal answer to that question, there are definitely some simple ways to strengthen your relationship. When both partners come to the table with respect and the other skills listed below, they can greatly enhance the happiness of their mate.
Check out these 10 tips from the St. Elizabeth Business Health Services team sure to empower your relationship:
Don’t try to change them. Instead of trying to change something he or she does, change you! Far too often, people believe they can mold their mate into the “perfect” mate. Instead, you need to accept your love for the person he or she is. If a behavior needs to be changed, provide support and encouragement, rather than complaining about it.
Accept the flaws in your spouse. This goes hand in hand with not trying to change your spouse. Since no one is perfect, you want to learn to appreciate the differences between the two of you. Even better, learn to see each other’s quirks as entertaining rather that irritating.
Learn to communicate. Communication is a key ingredient to any successful relationship, whether it be in marriage, at work or between friends. Talk through situations rather than bottling up your emotions or yelling. By showing respect, you can work together as a couple should. With this, the two of you can understand the other person’s side and meet somewhere in the middle.
Keep intimacy as part of your marriage. Remember, this person is the one you love, the one you want to share your life with, which means letting go of inhibitions. Intimacy is an excellent way to stay close and connected over the years. For a happy marriage that stands the test of time, never let the flame of passion go out.
Make time for friends. Once every other week, you should both take one day or evening to spend time apart. This will help you maintain your own identity and appreciate the time you have with your spouse. Even in an established and happy marriage, absence can still make the heart grow fonder.
Learn to ignore the small stuff. Even a happy marriage faces challenges, some big and some small. Remind yourself that life is precious and short. Therefore, focus on the larger battles, working through them as a team while letting go of the incidentals that in the big scheme of things does not matter. Ask yourself whether it is better to be right or to be at peace with your spouse.
Never take your spouse for granted. Again, life is too precious. Instead, find things that your partner does well or things that please you and let him/her know. If your husband is outside working on the car, take time to bring him a cold glass of tea or lemonade just because. If your wife has been home all day with the children, hire a babysitter and surprise her with a dinner out.
Date your mate. Just because you are now legally married, you should not stop “dating.” Every Friday or Saturday night, even if you have children, make a date. This could be something as simple as bowling and beer or a romantic dinner and concert. The activity is not important, but taking time for just the two of you is vital for a happy marriage.
Argue with respect. Arguments and small fights are bound to arise, but how you fight is more important than what you fight over. Name-calling or personal criticisms tend to spiral out of control. Fighting neutrally and using “I” statements will help de-escalate the situation, rather than making the situation worse.
Offer forgiveness. You will be faced with tough times – it is not a matter of if, but when. You have a choice in those moments to forgive him/her or carry it into other areas of the marriage. Obviously, if you do not forgive, the marriage will suffer. Therefore, if resolution is found, swallow your pride and forgive your mate. In the end, peace will be more beneficial than knowing you were right.
SmartHealthToday is a service of St. Elizabeth Healthcare.