By DeAngelo Wiser
Special to NKyTribune
A game is stopped so officials can have a fan ejected.
A parent punches an official.
Fights break out after games.
In response to behaviors like these, youth sports organizations and schools have waged war against those who continue to ruin events for the young competitors. In many cases, parents are the target of those efforts.
Education programs spring up every day with slogans, rules and expectations to make parents aware of their conduct on the sidelines and in the stands, as well as the consequences of inappropriate behavior.
I’m not against educating parents as part of the club, high school or youth league experience. Just don’t expect 100 percent participation and recall. You can lay it all out at the beginning of a season and, by the first game, most will be forgotten in the heat of the moment as an official makes a bad call or a player is knocked to the ground by the opposition.
Let’s understand one key point this approach may not take fully into consideration: Parents are passionate about their children and want them to succeed. And yes, a few are obsessed. With these parents, no incompetent official, coach or opponent will be immune from their wrath concerning treatment perceived to be unfair to their children.
I appreciate the effort by those moderating souls who want peace for the sake of the players. But keep in mind these are competitive events among teams and often include conflict, confrontation and controversy in the game upsetting some parents and fans.
So how much time and resources will we waste in this effort? Is there anything we can do to reduce the problem? I believe there is.
I’ve witnessed many ugly parent situations in my career and even been a target. It was at times intimidating, hurtful and very distracting to me and our players. No one taught me how to handle these situations. Sadly, I had to learn through the experience of each one.
I like, many coaches, toughed it out because of my love of the game and my players. Many others who were far better technicians and strategists did not survive the ridicule. How many quality coaches have we lost due to the inability to deal with these challenges?
So how can we make our programs user friendly for our players, parents and coaches? Let’s use resources to educate and support coaches on leadership, communication and dealing with conflict.
Here are our suggestions:
· Develop expectations for all coaches’ behavior on and off the field or court since fans often become upset because of the coach’s sideline demeanor.
· Deal with all parent interactions and justifications, good and bad, with role playing, simulation and seasonal evaluations.
· Require pre-season and bi-monthly meetings with parents reminding them of expectations, the team’s goals, and the behavior and demeanor expected.
· Teach listening skills. Parent often just need to vent and it takes discipline to listen without speaking or ridiculing the talent of the player in question.
· Affirm that sometimes it’s okay to lose a battle with a parent.
· Develop guidelines for parents with respect to when, where and how they contact coaches.
· Commend and reward parents who are great role models and handle themselves with control even in the toughest situations.
· Hold parents and fans accountable when they step out of line before, during or after a game.
· Empower coaches with the knowledge of what is required to build a program that embodies all the positive qualities needed to succeed.
When we selectively hire coaches, then guide them on building a positive, rewarding team culture, we won’t have to worry about fans becoming unruly because our sports family will remind them of what we stand for.
DeAngelo Wiser is a leadership consultant, coach and author of “Winning Your Players Through Trust, Leadership and Respect.”