By Steve Flairty
NKyTribune columnist
My students unmercifully served a lot of corny jokes my way, especially the fourth graders I taught for twenty-two years. Admittedly, I developed a taste for the same and began making up my own groaners, for which I indiscriminately imposed on others around me including—often to their chagrin—my coworkers.
I still have this bad habit today, long after my full-time educator years passed. Sometimes, I spring them on the readers of my column… as I will today.
Despite knowing that your eyes will roll, please allow me to present a few of my worst offerings, all along the lines of the subject: Kentucky. I’m asking for forgiveness in advance.
What do ghosts call Kentucky? the Boo-grass state
At the Louisville Zoo, what would be a good name for a gorilla that always tells the truth? Honest Ape
Why did the mother not allow her child to run on the infield at Churchill Downs? She didn’t want the child to get Derby
What is produced when dough is meticulously kneaded to get rid of all impurities? thorough bread
What’s a huge building in Lexington where people watch young dogs do tricks? Pup Arena
What are jobs called where workers buff pieces of corn until they shine? kernel sanders
What did they call Ol’ Dan’l when he spilled ink all over himself? Blue Boone of Kentucky
If he was still living, what famous Kentucky senator would be a good spokesman for the Play-Doh company? Henry Clay
What was the area where music was playing in the middle of two ongoing birthday parties? The Band Between the Cakes
What do Kentuckians do when they are standing outside in a hundred degrees temperature? They have a Hot Frown.
What is the name given to the only elf in the state over a hundred years old? My Old Kentucky Gnome
What do Kentuckians do quickly when an unexpected fire breaks out on the first Saturday in May? They do a “run for the hoses.”
What are the people in our largest city who seem not to be much worried about anything? Louisville shruggers
What Kentucky streetcar might be called “The Greatest”? Muhammad Trol-LEE
What comes straight off the grill before the Kentucky Derby? The Bluegrass Steaks
What might an Elvis song about the Derby be called? Kentucky Rein (and hope that the rein does not keep falling down)
What might be a name for a place on the Ohio River where out-of-style clothing goes to die? The Newport Notwearing’em
What might Adolph Rupp have been called if he had continually made scenes, captured on video, about relatively minor things? The “Karen” of the Bluegrass
Who are the twins from the Bluegrass who had their heads shaved? The Kentucky Burr Two
In Paducah, where are patchworks of rags laid to rest? At the National Quilt Mausoleum
Well, I warned you folks. Bad ones all. But can you top ‘em? The bar is low, and you don’t need fourth graders to egg you on. Email me at sflairty2001@yahoo.com.