Paul Long: When ya gotta go, ya gotta go . . .runners are acutely aware of the lack of public restrooms

By Paul Long
Special to NKyTribune

Runners are acutely aware of the lack of public restrooms. We are often searching for one, whether we’re logging 10 miles running around our hometown or going out for a run while on vacation.

We know that most stores don’t have public restrooms. If they do, it’s hidden away in the back of the store. And too many times, you get the evil eye when you walk in off the street to use it.

So as a public service, I am filing this to let fellow runners — and even non-runners, if they have the wherewithal to get through a story about pee and poop — know where they can go when they gotta go.

I must admit, I had some help. I did confer with one Jenny Wilkerson Baker, whom the good folks at the Pain By Numbers running group called “a one-stop resource on the subject.” Another member said Baker is known as “the poop guru,” although I was warned: “If you climb the mountain to obtain her logic, just watch your step.”

I did, and I did.

So here, in a cleaned-up version for the general public’s more delicate sensitivities, are Baker’s recommendations for going while on the run.

Ahem.

* Clean up to stay clean. Use your body glide, and use it wisely. This is an ultra-runners trick.

* If you’re tired, find a tree that’s fallen over. Sit on it like a toilet, but way back on the tree. Part of your body should be almost falling off, if you get my drift.

* Flat maple leaves work the best as toilet paper.

* Always face downhill. And, I would add, be aware of which was the wind is blowing.

Okay, with that out of the way, let’s move on to more appropriate topics of discussion. Such as, where can one find a public restroom on the road, without too much hassle or embarrassment?

But here’s a caveat. Don’t take advantage of using someone else’s restroom. Hurry up. Don’t hang around. If you’re in a group, don’t all crowd into the place at the same time. Thank the employees. And come back later and shop.

Here are some local suggestions.

Around Paul Brown Stadium: During football season, port-o-lets line the parking lots, so I am told.

Along the Ohio River: Newport on the Levee has a restroom just inside the parking garage. Friendship Park, Sawyer Point, and Smale Park have public restrooms, but I have found many of them are locked at random hours, especially in the winter.

Parks: These are not as good a bet as they once were. I see plenty of parks — particularly the smaller ones in the area — without any public restrooms. Fewer still have water fountains.

Downtown: The Greyhound Bus Station, to the east of downtown Cincinnati, has clean restrooms.

Here are some totally subjective suggestions that apply in Northern Kentucky and elsewhere:

Construction sites: They often will have port-o-lets. On the downside, they may be on a fenced, locked site.

Hotels: These are great, particularly in urban areas. Staffers and workers rarely bother or question you. What hotel employee wants to accost a potential guest about using the bathroom?

Walgreens: This is one of the best places around and my personal fave. Every city has lots of them, even in their suburban and rural areas, so it’s almost assured that one is along your route. The bathrooms are large and clean. They are rarely crowded, so you don’t feel like you’re taking advantage of anyone’s hospitality. Bonus: A water fountain is usually right outside the bathroom, so you can fill up your water bottle after you’re done.

Other drug/grocery stores — CVS and Rite Aids: Similar to Walgreens, but not as ubiquitous, at least in Northern Kentucky. Still, I have been told they also have clean, well-kept restrooms.

United Dairy Farmers: Another popular, convenient chain with lots of stores in the area. Clean, and they will let you fill your water bottle.

Fast food joints: I’m iffy on these. I always feel conspicuous walking into one just to use the restrooms, which aren’t always clean. They tend to be crowded, especially in the mornings.

Laundromats: I am told these are a good bet, but any one I’ve ever been in does not seem to have a public restroom. Maybe they are hidden away somewhere, and you have to ask a regular. But the point of a good bathroom break is the ability to get in and out quickly, without attracting too much attention.

Firehouses: I love firehouses. I have found firefighters to be among the friendliest and most welcoming of public servants. If anyone is in the firehouse, they will allow you to use the restroom. But therein lies the problem: Because many departments remain staffed by volunteers, it’s not unusual to discover them locked and empty.

Coffee shops: They open early and usually have nice, if small, restrooms. But they have lots of people looking to use them, so if you go in with a group, it could cause problems. Usually, the workers are friendly and willing to let you use their facilities. Tip: Go to an independent store. Then go back and buy something after your run. You know you want to.

Libraries: You shouldn’t feel guilty about stopping in to use their clean restrooms. But sometimes, the restrooms are locked, so you have to approach someone for a key. And their hours may not be conducive to your running schedule.

Gas stations: OK. Not always clean. And, as I found out the hard way, gas stations in rural Ohio do not always have restrooms. This breaks the unspoken agreement between customers and station owners: I’ll buy your overpriced snacks if I can use your restrooms.

Paul Long writes weekly for the NKyTribune about running and runners. For his daily running stories, follow him at dailymile.com or on Twitter @Pogue57