Note: We have been noticing how every time Donald Trump says something absurd, each campaign somehow feels obligated to respond. NKyTribune contributor Rick Robinson found this recent story confirming the theory.
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Presidential hopeful Donald Trump has called for the immediate deportation of two pandas born this weekend at Washington’s National Zoo. While the two babies have caused a media sensation in the nation’s capital, their birth has caused a firestorm on the campaign trail.
“I am sick and tired of these ‘Anchor Pandas’ taking all the tourist attention away from American-born grizzly bears,” an incredulous Donald Trump said during a telephone interview on This Week with George Stephanopoulos. “Don’t kid yourself, George. These Chinese bears are eating our bamboo and getting free vet care. They’re animals. American zoo keepers are stupid. I’ll solve this.”
Trump went on to explain how he is leading in the polls of voters who like bears.
The controversy began when a panda named Mei Xiang gave birth to two babies at the National Zoo. Artificially inseminated by two separate male pandas, zoo officials have stated they are unable to accurately identify the father.
Fearing Donald Trump would get all the headlines from the story, other candidates were quick to solidify their position on Anchor Pandas. Below are selected quotes from their individual statements:
Jeb Bush: “It’s an act of love, it’s an act of commitment to your species.”
Ben Carson: “America needs to implement a guest bear program similar to the one they have in Canada.”
Chris Christie: “Those pandas need to sit down and shut up.”
Ted Cruz: “I believe in traditional marriage between one male panda and one female panda.”
John Kasich: “I just went to the zoo and happened to see the pandas. Because I prefer different species of bears doesn’t mean that I can’t care about them or I can’t love them.”
Rand Paul: “Pandas are assets, not liabilities.”
Rick Perry: “When I was governor, I sent a strong message to China that we didn’t want their bears in Texas zoos.”
Marco Rubio: “Anchor Pandas should not be included in the American panda population count.”
Scott Walker: “Before one US dollar of veterinary care is spent, a Walker administration would have pandas like Mei Xiang drug tested.”
On the Democratic side, frontrunner Hillary Clinton said she had no knowledge of the pandas’ actual existence, while Bernie Sanders promised to redistribute bamboo from the have-pandas to the have-not-pandas. Joe Biden said nothing but was spotted aggressively hugging Mei Xiang.
Rick Robinson is a Northern Kentucky lawyer and an award-winning author and political humorist. Find out more about him at AuthorRickRobinson.com
I cant believe how people fall for this satire drivel! The first thing you brought up, Trump supposedly talking about panda bears, is absolutely nowhere to be found, except this idiotic list you link to! And then people actually believe it as truth…shame, shame.
Well written piece, thoughtful and provoking.