By Steve Flairty
NKyTribune columnist
It’s a late afternoon in my townhouse in Lexington, and I’m sitting at the computer in my study. Words are coming slowly for the next column I’m writing; I’m perhaps “pondering” more than writing.
Then there’s a WHACK noise outside, the sound of plastic hitting whiffle ball, I figure.
Immediately following, there’s a resounding voice. “Run hard, Carlton. Good hit. Heeere, Mary…get the ball to meee! Yes!! YOU are out!”
The action outside is, of course, an interruption of my writing, but a good interruption. Outside my abode, and right outside of the writing room, the kids are playing ball–like I did when I had breaks from chores while a child. Simply put, they’re having good, clean fun. Lots of it.
But what’s interesting about the activity is that one of the “kids” is 51 years old.
It’s Dr. Clayton “Clay” Hall. He’s my next door neighbor, and he deserves strong consideration for some kind of “father of the year” award. I say that because I see Clay doing his thing frequently—spending time with his two children, Mary and Carlton, along with their buddies living in the neighborhood, or cousins of the two who come to visit.
The interaction usually revolves around playing sports, being active and laughing.
It is as much fun for Clay as it is for the kids, too. That’s pretty obvious as I observe him. It’s not just on his “good” days, when he feels like it. It’s an everyday renewable thing with Clay. It seems like he always “feels like it” and has his internal motor running.
Uncanny…and dare I say, perhaps unusual when compared to what I see happening with lots of fathers I casually observe these days.
Clay is a psychiatrist by vocation, a busy person with lots of responsibility. Much like other fathers. To him, though, his children are a huge priority, and he wants to be intimately involved with them.
“Sometimes you have to take the time to get down on their level when you talk with them,” explained Clay. He recalled a time when Mary, 9, was upset about something that happened in elementary school. “I told Mary about something similar that happened to me when I was about her age, and that seemed to help her understand it better. Empathy is important.”
Both children participate in the Kentucky Basketball Academy, Lexington, and Clay has usually been their coach. Twice, his teams have won championships, with Clay’s nephew also a part. The success likely starts with playing basketball at the small court on our community grounds, and dribbling the ball on the way to the court…and back, with plenty of ball talk, and teaching, along the way.
Having a fierce competitive nature, Clay knows he has to put a collar on his temper. “Kentucky Wildcat basketball and coaching basketball are the two things that spike my passion, adrenaline and emotions. I holler and get mad sometimes, but I always tell and show them I love them,” he noted.
“To become a better basketball player, you have to have fun and learn the fundamentals. But teaching kids to play hard and be more competitive is important. I do have to remind myself that these kids (who play on his team) are only 10 or 11. My own mom will sometimes tell me to tone it down.”
His own children seem to believe that a certain amount of yelling is a natural part of playing competitive ball. “He is just trying to make us better players,” said Carlton, who is 11-years-old.
“We know he loves us,” chimed in Mary, who often can be seen with a playful grin on her face. “Dad takes us on nice vacations and plays with us a lot.” Mary also likes her father’s funny side.
A kind of good-hearted banter from Clay and his kids occurs frequently around our townhouse community. Or, should I say “with the three kids.” Both Mary and Carlton are quick to say that their father gives them plenty of fun time together.
An important factor in Clay’s good relationship with his kids is the fact that his former wife and he are on the same page and supportive of each other in raising Carlton and Mary. “Monica is a wonderful mother,” he noted. “And we’ve decided that we will get along for the benefit of the kids.” The two parents share custody time almost equally, and, said Clay, “We try to be flexible about the times when changes are needed.”
Clay talked about an event that happened about a year ago, when Monica and he came together quickly in an emergency with Mary. “The kids and I were down at Natural Bridge, and Mary fell and made a huge gash on her chin,” he said. “I had to carry her for a long way to the car.” He also contacted Monica, who is a plastic surgeon. She was in West Virginia at the time. “We got Mary back to Lexington, and Monica met us there to stitch up her chin. It was stressful, but I am gratified that Monica and I get along so well.”
Asked about the actual close contact hours with his kids, where real eye-to-eye interaction takes place, Clay said that it was probably 20 to 30 hours per week during basketball season, counting games and practices, along with the spontaneous games in front of the house, eating together, watching television together and homework time. Summer brings vacation time and a little more relaxation.
And, again uncannily, these items are worked into Clay’s schedule despite keeping office hours with patients.
Though it may look as if everything around the Hall household is basketball-related, Clay adds this: “We try to ‘mix it up.’ Mary has done cheerleading, gymnastics, piano and ballet with ‘The Nutcracker.’” Grinning, he mentioned “painting her nails” as one of his past duties. “Carlton plays the cello and is a very good guitar player. And, he also loves his train hobby.”
Asked what his idea of a good father is, Clay thought for a few moments before he answered.
“A good father, I think, is not being extravagant…a Disney dad,” he said. “It doesn’t have to be about spending a lot of money. It’s about spending time. That’s how kids spell love…it’s time. I take that very seriously, even though I make a lot of mistakes and am far from perfect.”
Clay’s brother, Houston, who also lives in Lexington, is a very good example of a father for him to follow, he noted. “He’s always doing things with his kids, too, and he has been helpful for me to watch how he does as a father.”
Although he has always enjoyed being around kids, the birth of his own first child, said Clay, “was the best thing that ever happened to me. It seemed miraculous to me to have a child come into my life. It took me ‘out of myself’ and I realized that I could love someone more than I could ever love myself.”
For sure, Clay embraces fatherhood, and he seems to be pretty good at it, but according to him, he has lots of help. “People have told Monica and me that we have been good examples in regard to working together for the good of the children,” he said.
And that’s a slam dunk recipe for positive things to happen…even if it causes me an occasional writing interruption.
Steve Flairty is a teacher, public speaker and an author of six books: a biography of Kentucky Afield host Tim Farmer and five in the Kentucky’s Everyday Heroes series, including a kids’ version. Steve’s “Kentucky’s Everyday Heroes #4,” was released in 2015. Steve is a senior correspondent for Kentucky Monthly, a weekly NKyTribune columnist and a member of the Kentucky Humanities Council Speakers Bureau. Read his KyForward and NKyTribune columns for excerpts from all his books. Contact him at sflairty2001@yahoo.com or visit his Facebook page, “Kentucky in Common: Word Sketches in Tribute.” (Steve’s photo by Connie McDonald)