Kentucky by Heart: Grieving the loss of a beloved brother with the precious legacy he left behind


By Steve Flairty
NKyTribune columnist

I don’t know for sure if the wildflower seeds, the kind that come mixed in a straw bale that will hold in moisture after being cast on the readied ground, will sprout and provide a summer of gorgeous blooms. That would be my hope, and I suspect they will. What I do know is that the seeds were a gift bequeathed me out of my brother’s garage as he lay dying in October at his home in Butler.

For that reason, these seeds have a special sense of power; sowing them in what will heretofore be called “The Mike Bed” is the start in unleashing the power.

Planting The Mike Bed. (Photo provided)

This is the time in early spring when my gardening time gets going with quiet urgency. It’s all a matter of process, one I enjoy, and that, in itself, is its own reward. But another great reward is for my wife and me to walk our one-acre yard near Versailles and see vibrant, colorful flowers, most of them wildflowers, in island beds spaced all around our home.

This is the season of my life that is much about wallowing in my creative impulses, and not so much about making money. The few bucks I make (or is it simply breaking even?) from selling a few books or picking up a speaking gig or doing some sub teaching… is, well, nice. But before I lay my head down to rest at the end of every day, I hope to have added something new and positive to the world, whether it is with well-placed words written or ones verbalized.

Additionally, I hope that the day is topped off by engaging in some effective husbandry of our land resources, particularly on the land I reside.

There’s a sense of creation in returning table scraps such as banana and apple peels back to the earth, and for good measure, sprinkling coffee grounds around them. New flowers often mean new seeds; the ritual of deadheading blooms brings more blooms. Cut flowers are my wife’s delights for our house, and sometimes they make it into the homes of others, too.

There’s a sense of joy in this season, an appreciation of being alive and adding rather than taking from our world. I pray that I will continue to savor the process, and with that, to savor the most infinitesimal moments.

All which brings me back to the subject of The Mike Bed.

They say that grieving, good grieving, takes work; carpe diem, or “seize the day,” is the watchword. It means to proactively engage with the grief; it’s not running away from the grief, even if doing so eases some pain for a short spell. I absorbed that from Dr. Alan Wolfet’s great book, Healing the Adult Sibling’s Grieving Heart, given to me from my sister-in-law, Mike’s wife, Theresa. I’ve taken that message to heart, and Mike’s gift of seeds is a good catalyst to move me onward.

As of today, the flower bed is sown and mulched, just like my brother would have liked. His small investment some time ago, originally for him and his wife, has been handed to me.

So what will I do with it?

Every time I go to the flower bed to water, or to weed, or hopefully, to take in the visual impressiveness, I’ll think of Mike and recall the shared history we had for more than six decades. In conversations about gardening, I’ll likely always mention The Mike Bed and why it’s called that. There will be days I’ll just gaze at it from the bedroom, especially at mornings, and I’ll be with my feelings… whatever they might be at the moment.

Most importantly, I’ll think about the things I learned from my younger brother, and I’ll try to figure out ways to put those things to use in my life. For truth be told, he left me precious “seeds” long before I received the ones mixed in with a bale of straw.

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steve-flairty

Steve Flairty is a teacher, public speaker and an author of six books: a biography of Kentucky Afield host Tim Farmer and five in the Kentucky’s Everyday Heroes series, including a kids’ version. Steve’s “Kentucky’s Everyday Heroes #4,” was released in 2015. Steve is a senior correspondent for Kentucky Monthly, a weekly KyForward and NKyTribune columnist and a member of the Kentucky Humanities Council Speakers Bureau. Contact him at sflairty2001@yahoo.com or visit his Facebook page, “Kentucky in Common: Word Sketches in Tribute.” (Steve’s photo by Connie McDonald)


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