You’ve heard the phrase before: ‘he’s my brother (or sister) from another mother.’ It is so true.
Many of us have lifelong friends that are so close that we feel like we are actual blood relatives. In a real sense, we are family, even if we don’t share any genes. We have created bonds of friendship that, at least sometimes, are even stronger than some of our family bonds.
I’ve certainly been fortunate that way. I have a brother that I have known since we sat together on the same school bus on the way to elementary school. We grew up together, played together, listened to music together, and later went on trips to the beach with each other and our mutual friends. As we got older and our careers went in different directions, we always kept in touch, and he did a great job keeping me ‘into’ our mutual music interests even when I was too busy to explore them myself. We were in each other’s weddings, and have shared life’s ups and downs as our own lives have gone through separate trajectories. He is, beyond a doubt, my brother from another mother.
I have other brothers (and sisters) from other mothers, however. In college I met an amazing group of men who, although we are almost all living in different states, keep in touch on a daily basis using a group chat. Just like my childhood friend, I know these gents will always have my back, and I will always have theirs.
In graduate school I shared an office with an amazing woman who has since become my sister from another mother. Her generosity and wisdom helped me through difficult times, and I wish that I was half the friend that she has been to me. We have kept in touch as much as we could since those days, because, you know, she’s my sister.
I have a brother who is a colleague at work, and who I have shared many a rock concert with, my metal brother from another mother. Another colleague and I have shared so much blood, sweat, and tears working together to improve our wildlife program that it would be difficult not to think of her as my sister from another mother. I trust both of them as they trust me — as siblings.
I am also very fortunate to have former students that have become such good friends over the years that I think of them as younger brothers and sisters from other mothers, and their kids are now my surrogate nieces and nephews. I would literally do anything to help these extended family members, and I know that many of them feel the same way.
Humans are an amazingly social species, and you see that not only in these extra-family relationships, but also in the advent and spread of social media. The latter is seemingly a double-edged sword, as it can help connect with other people but sometimes those connections are very negative in nature. Our brothers and sisters from another mother remind us that friendship actually means something. Facebook “friends” aren’t always friends, but our brothers and sisters from another mother are always there, always have our backs, and will never let us down.
We need these connections in our lives because we are such a social species. Many other species on the planet are similarly social, and all of us use these direct interactions with each other to form and strengthen our bonds. This is particularly true in our fellow mammals: deer, squirrels, and other mammal species use scents, calls, and physical displays to keep in touch. However, many other species, including birds, amphibians, reptiles, fish, and insects use calls and behavioral displays to reconnect and communicate with each other. Scientists are still trying to figure out to what extent such interactions lead to true friendships, although there are numerous examples where such friendships do seem to appear in non-human species.
Like the species we share our planet with, it is only through real, individual to individual experiences that we can develop such deep relationships. Chatting on social media can keep us up to date with our brothers and sisters from another mother, but it is the personal interactions that we have shared—either on the playing field, in the mosh pit, at work, or in the woods — that helps us build the trust, fellowship, and understanding of our relationships to make them truly work. I’m certainly not convinced that anyone can build that sort of relationship through social media alone.
Just liking going home to see your family, it is important to connect in person with our good friends as much as we can. That is even more difficult these days, given our busy schedules, the distance between all of our friends, and all of the other things that take over our lives. But when we get the chance, those opportunities are priceless, often fleeting, and they become more so as we all get older. Things happen, and none of us get to live forever. A few of my brothers are no longer with us, unfortunately passing long before their time. When that happens, it makes you cherish the siblings you have, both by blood and by experience, even more.
If you are fortunate enough to have one or more brothers and sisters from another mother, don’t take them for granted. Reach out and find ways to connect—either in person or through the internet. Any connection with our families, extended or not, are well worth it.
Dr. Howard Whiteman is the Commonwealth Endowed Chair of Environmental Studies and professor in the Department of Biological Sciences at Murray State University. He writes the Bluegrass Wildlife column for the NKyTribune.