Last week, as a work day was coming to a close, I asked my client, “What are the things you do every day no matter what?” I also asked her not to include basic human functioning.(sleeping, eating, breathing, etc.)
She had some relative consistency with, “letting the dogs out, or spending time with her family.” She also watched TV before she went to bed (not always, but most nights). I was now getting a higher resolution view of her life and learning more about what she values.
This is a question I ask all of my clients, and what’s amazing to me is that initially we don’t consider ourselves disciplined/consistent. Part of the reason someone asks for help with their fitness journey is that they struggle to commit to consistency on their own; but the truth is that there are many things in our lives we deem “nonnegotiable,” we may just not say it out loud.
To take it one step further, If you think the same thoughts everyday; whether they are positive or negative, if you think them everyday you have developed a certain commitment to them. It’s often not because we think it’s good, we just have not experienced anything different.
This is a pertinent aphorism, “A fish never knows what kind of water it’s in.” We develop a personal culture (thoughts & actions) that is based solely on what’s familiar to us. We are awfully consistent at it, but if we desire to change, we have to be willing to develop new nonnegotiables in order for us to get a new result. If we are already living a life of some sort of consistency, but we do not like where we have ended up, then it would behoove us to ask, “what consistent action/thought pattern is leading me here?”
Our consistent actions and thoughts are our nonnegotiables; they are our primary way of manipulating the world around us. Therefore, we cannot expect to change any part of our life without taking the time to acknowledge what exactly has led me to this point.
A helpful exercise
This has helped me immensely over the past couple of years:
Sit down, and write out what you do throughout your day. Then justify why you engage in each activity and simply let yourself see it. This allows you to see your own individual culture, it allows you to truly witness how you live, and positions you to take action if you want to change something.
Making a sacrifice
Once you have outlined your day, and discovered the things you do consistently, you have to ask, “what am I willing to let go?”
We cannot expect to change without letting something go. Everyone uses all of their time; so if going to the gym or cooking is a part of your plan to change, whatever you were previously doing during that time cannot be done. You have to be willing to give that up, you have to be willing to look at whatever action you were doing previously and say, “I have changed what I care about.”
This takes a lot of time, especially when we are trying to change a way of behavior that we have engaged in for a long time. It requires a lot of patience and self-forgiveness; failing is an integral part of the process.
Lee Ramsey has a passion for fitness as a way to help people grow and change into more adaptable, capable and resilient versions of themselves. He is owner of Sanctify Fitness in Covington and a regular fitness columnist for the NKyTribune.