Five years ago I was unable to have a bad day. At the end of each day, I would go over all I had done in my mind, and if I didn’t measure up I would be an anxious mess. I struggled to sleep, and to be flexible. (by any stretch of the word) I struggled to let go of any artificial sense of control so that my mind might be appeased.
I remember one day in particular. I had done a workout earlier in the day, and I hadn’t performed as well as I had hoped. When I got home, to “make up” for the bad performance, I did 100 pullups, 200 pushups and 300 air squats. I was supposed to be spending time with my girlfriend at the time, (who is now my wife) but I had to literally exercise the poor performance out of my body.
This mindset, that doesn’t allow bad days, that only applies pressure and never relieves, has absolutely nothing to do with health. It is not uncommon to mix up performance for health, but they are not the same thing at all. When it comes to working out, for the average person (who has a job, outside responsibilities, a family, ect) working out for performance becomes much more draining than anything else.
I did crossfit for four years, and ended up having to quit because I was so focused on performing well that it ended up stealing energy away from other areas of my life that are frankly more important. It became an obsession that stole from my relationships, my energy towards myself, and my ability to rest properly. Performance is morally neutral, it is the expectation of ourselves that can become morally degenerate.
Practical ways to accept this
When you are having a bad day, it may not mean to push harder. It may mean that your body and mind are asking for rest. Listening and becoming attuned to your body’s needs is a skill that takes time to develop, but once you do it consistently you will be able to feel when you can push yourself and when you need to hold the reins. Imagine if your car went 100mph all the time, never stopped to get gas, change the oil, rotate the tires, ect. Eventually, it would explode.
The truth I pull from this is: Whatever you do not perform regular maintenance on, will dilapidate.
If you feel run down, it is probably because you do not exert the same kind of focus and effort on resting as you do performing. If you feel like you can’t have a bad day, or if you do you are incessantly anxious, it is probably because you are treating yourself more like a machine than a human. I did this for so long, and it led me to be injured, exhausted, lonely and anxious.
A good way to see if this is you, is to ask yourself: Do I treat myself like a good friend would
treat me?
Health is not synonymous with performance; health is being disciplined, but it’s also having pizza at your friends party. Health is exercise, but it’s also being able to sit down and not become overwhelmed with anxious thoughts. Health is not oppressive in nature, it should be freeing. If your mind feels more oppressive in regards to sticking to a specific routine, I don’t think that has much to do with being healthy. It has much more to do with performance.