By Dr. Alyssa Frye
University of Kentucky
The holidays are a time of joy and excitement. It’s a time for families to reconnect through beloved traditions, create memories and embrace the spirit of the season.
For kids with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder, autism spectrum disorder, sensory challenges or anxiety, the season of celebration can be overwhelming. The change in routine, new people, unfamiliar places and even the prospect of eating different foods can be a lot for them to take in. Here are a few tips to help them – and the whole family – enjoy the holiday season.
Stick to a routine. Kids thrive in routines, and those with neurodivergent conditions rely on the structure of their school and home life. When possible, keep to their regular schedule for meals, medication and bedtime; visual schedules can be very helpful with consistency and staying focused throughout the day. For families traveling across time zones, this can be especially challenging. When possible, gradually shift their bedtime 15 minutes per day leading up to traveling, so that the time change won’t feel quite as abrupt. When arriving in the new time zone, switch to local time for your usual routine involving meals and sleep. Maximizing sunlight and movement during the day, while making sure your child has a calm, quiet, and dark environment at night is helpful. Maintain familiar bedtime routines to help with sleep cues while being flexible when needed, knowing that the adjustment period can be tough.
Make a plan and set expectations. Don’t wait until the last day of school to let them know school will be closed for a few weeks. Give them a heads up and talk about what you will do as a family when school is out. If the plan is for the whole family to spend a week at Grandma’s house, talk to them about what they can expect, the ways Grandma’s house is different and how you can work together when they feel overwhelmed. Set expectations based on their age and abilities. Bring their favorite foods in case Grandma’s cooking isn’t what they’re used to eating.
Retool beloved holiday traditions. For some kids, traveling long distances, making the rounds at holiday party or shopping in crowded stores is simply unbearable. The routine disruption, the bright lights of parties, the unfamiliar faces can be too much – what might be enjoyable to some can be unenjoyable for others. Instead of skipping holiday festivities or forcing kids to power through it, reframe this as a time to start new traditions. Invite Grandma to spend a week at your house or host your own holiday party. That way, your child can retreat to their room when they need a break. Many stores have special shopping hours for those with sensory needs and some even offer the traditional Santa visit at quieter times. Talk to your child about what they think could be fun, and what new traditions you can start as a family.
Give them a break. Holidays can be a stressful time – for everyone. Accept that even with the best laid plans, there still could be some meltdowns. Sending them to their room when they are upset shouldn’t be used as a punishment, but rather a chance for them to calm down in their safe space. Build time in the day when they have your complete attention, away from the cooking, shopping and entertaining. If you have a long day of traveling ahead of you, schedule time to stop by a park so they can get some energy out.
Enjoy your time together. Not everything will go according to plan – and that’s ok. Focus on the moments of joy and time spent together. Whether it’s watching a holiday movie together or decorating cookies, it’s the connection that counts. When the emphasis is on enjoying shared experiences rather than Hallmark-movie level of perfection, the season is more meaningful for everyone.
Dr. Alyssa Frye, PsyD is a clinical psychologist at Golisano Children’s Hospital at the University of Kentucky