Here is the most common phrase spoken by those who are trying to improve their health (whether that’s going to the gym, eating higher quality foods, prioritizing less alcohol, getting more sleep, etc.): “I struggle with consistency.”
Over the past four years of working with people, I have come to disagree with this statement. No one struggles with consistency.
After someone says this to me now, I ask them the following questions: “What things in your life are you consistent in? What is something in your life that you have tried and found success?”
The answers are as follows: My job, my relationship, my ability to take care of a pet, I clean the house, my hobbies, etc.
Every single person is consistent in the behaviors they currently care about.
The difficulty arises because when you change an aspect of your life, it means, necessarily so, that a part of your life must minimize or disappear completely.
We tell ourselves what we need to add to our lives, but do not consider what has to go.
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Let’s say I have a client who says, “I want to go to the gym before work and meal prep on Sundays.”
The question to ask yourself is, “What behaviors/activities stand in the way of this happening right now?”
In order to get to the gym before work you will have to wake up earlier. In order to wake up earlier you will have to have the self control to get to bed at the appropriate time. This inevitably means that whatever you were doing prior, that kept you awake will have to be minimized or cut out completely. (That’s the hard part; that’s the sacrifice.) If you want to prepare meals on Sundays it means you will have to create time for it, which previously was spent doing something else.
Becoming consistent at new behaviors is much less about developing the skill of consistency, (you are already consistent at the behaviors you care about) and much more about a transplant of values. You have to want to change bad enough to change your current life; we cannot desire a new way of life while maintaining all of our current behaviors.
A helpful reframe
• Human beings spend their time doing the things we value. We are constantly expressing our values.
• In order to change we must scrutinize the way we spend our time, and ask “why?”
• Once we understand why we do something, we can then consider if it is worth giving up for something more important. (The “why” is our value. Ex: I get up in the morning to read because I value learning.)
• Once we identify the value, we can ponder whether or not it is worth keeping. We can then experience a transplant in values; this allows us to be consistent at something new.
I was once told that change only takes place when conviction develops; I find this to be true. All that conviction means is, “I am unmovable on this, unwilling to compromise.” Values are an expression of conviction; think of conviction as the feeling that encompasses a value. The conviction is your internal state while you are engaged in a behavior that you value.
To become unwilling to compromise on a new behavior must mean analyzing what you currently are convicted on.
Questions for thought
1. What am I unwilling to compromise on now? Why?
2. What have I been unwilling to compromise on, but given up at some point?
3. What is the last new behavior I tried and stuck with?
So much of becoming healthier has to do with understanding yourself. If we neglect this portion of the work, we will end up living in spurts of motivation, then falling off. We will constantly focus on “what we need to be going” and not focusing on “what I need to give up.” The second question is just as important, and frankly a lot more difficult.
Lee Ramsey has a passion for fitness as a way to help people grow and change into more adaptable, capable and resilient versions of themselves. He is owner of Sanctify Fitness in Covington and a regular fitness columnist for the NKyTribune.